Emails to Alice
by ailewej
Summary: What if things happen differently to Bella during New Moon? What if she e-mailed Alice everything that happens to her but doesn't get a responce? Will it effect the final outcome? Or will Bella and Edwards love truely survive all?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight *sigh* saying that is depressing

WARNING EVENTS IN THIS STORY ARE NOT THE SAME AS IN THE BOOK!!!

Suffer with me through this chapter please this story is not all e-mails I promise.

* * *

Your brother left me and now i'm broken.  
I get up in the mornings and do what I am supposed to do so I don't scare Charlie, but the pain is unbearable.  
Day 1

Alice, it hurts to type your name and I'm cring now.  
Your brother isn't the only one who hurt me, and you didn't even say goodbye.  
I hope you still have this e-mail and I'm not talking to a random stranger addicted to the computer.  
I understand if you don't answer me, but why did you leave me?  
Day 2

Alice, it is the third day since i started e-mailing yu and started leaving my nearly piontless life.  
there is a giant hole in my chest and it hursts like nothing I've ever expirenced before.  
You all did this to me, why?

Alice it has been four days since i started e-mailing you.  
I went to the movies with Jessica and it was horrible.  
I miss you I want my best friend back.  
Are you there?

Alice, I still can't think of you without crying it has been five days and it's only getting worse.  
I am not mad at you but why did you leave?  
Does _HE_ know about the e-mails**(A/N HE=Edward)**

Alice, I laughed for the first time in months.  
I went to Jacob Blakes house the boy who told me about you guys.  
He is just a friend but he helped with the pain for the day but it came back.  
Day 6

Alice, it has been seven days.  
I miss you and I miss Esme she is like my mother and I love  
her she hurt me when ya'll left will you tell her for me?

Alice tonight I figuered somthing out it sounds crazy maybey it is  
but when I do somthing reckless or stupid I can hear his voice perfectly.  
Day 9

Alice, I still cry when I think about ya'll.  
The hullusionations of _HIM _are fading.  
The motorcycles aren't working anymore and I'm falling apart.  
Day 10

* * *

**About two months later**

Alice, it has been nearly two mounths.  
Jacob left me.  
There was a pain in my chest that felt like  
i was falling apart, but now there is another.  
I keep telling myself that it is not as bad as when all of you left  
me but it is bad enough.

Alice it is now the two month mark.  
Jacob left and is now part of A gang in La Push led by Sam Uley.  
The thing is Jake was afraid fo them before.  
Sam says Jacob can't be my friend.  
I need some guidence from you will you help me?

Alice, it has been two months and 0ne day.  
Jacob snuck into my room early this monring tp apoligize.  
I figured somthing out, jacobs a werewolf.  
It wasn't much of a shock when I found out what all of you were because I knew htere was somthing different about ya'll,  
nut Jacob was just my normal HUMAN friend.  
Are all of my friends not so mythical creature?  
Mabey Angela is a wich?

Alice it has been two months and two days since I started e-mailing you.  
Maybey you won't responed maybey you will.  
Maybey I am talking to some random person who proboably by now thinks I'm crazy.  
Maybey I am.  
Alice Victoria is back she keeos trying to get to me but the pack won't let her.  
Alice I know I've asked this before but why did you leave?  
Why didn't you say goodbye?  
Why haven't you responded?  
Alice, I'm lonely and depressed.  
Sure I have Jacob and the rest of the pack, but there not hte ones I really want to be with.  
Alice I want my family back.  
I still cry when I think about you ya know.

Alice, I miss you terribly.  
Can you tell Jasper I'm not mad at him at all, that he is still my brother if he wants to be?  
Can you tell Emmett I miss my big teddy bear brother that has no common sense,  
doesn't understand sarcasam, and always finds away to make me blush?  
Can you tell Rosalie htat I mass her that in a way I looked up to her?  
She was like a sister to me.  
Alice, can you tell _him _ that even though he said he didn't love me anymore that he always has my heart,  
and no matter what he thinks he has a soul, and that I hope he finds someone he wants to be with forever?

Alice, my life has officialy fell apart.  
I'm freaking out Alice!  
I was at Billy Blacks house when he got a phone call.  
Victoria got htrough the pack and... Jacob he. he got killed.  
When I heard the news I rushed home ( I was crying and you know how fast my car goes) but I was to late.  
Victoria had already left my house, but Charlie was, he was killed Alice,Victoria killed him.  
What do I do now Alice?  
What do I do?

Alice, Renee and Phil were in a car crash.  
They didn't make it.  
Alice I am completely lost now.  
My blood relatives are gone.  
My family left me my last friend is gone.  
I don't like being alone.  
Alice what if Victoia comes back for me what would I do?  
Alice can't you all come back and help me?

Alice it has been two months and six days.  
Today is Charlie's funneral and tommarow is Jake's, and the next day is Renee and Phil's.  
Since I'm officialy an adult I can live by myself and Charlie lieft me the house,  
but I don't know of I want to stay here alone with all the memories of the people I lost.  
Why can't all of you come back and help me?  
I want my best friend back, I want my sisters back, I want my mom and dad back, and I want my brothers back.  
Can't ya'll come and wake me from this nightmare?  
I still cry when I think of you, I've been crying a lot lately.  
Please won't all of you come help me I'm a complete mess with no one left to turn to?

Alice, it has been twom mmonths and seven days.  
The reason I'm still living is based on the fact that ya'll are still out there and small hope that ya'll will come help me.  
Maybey I should give up.  
Should I give up Alice, Mabey all of you won't come?  
I will wait a month at the most but I don't know how much more I can take of this.

Alice, it has been two months and eight days, and I'm still waiting to see if all of you come hut i don't htink i can wait a whole month.  
It would be easy.  
Take a knife to my wrist, take a whole bottle of pills, or even tightly tie a bag over my head.  
Just like that all of this wouls be over.  
Every night i have to fight to go to sleep.  
the only thing that keeps me from doing one of those things is the thought that ya'll might be coming.  
Alice, are ya'll coming?


	2. Chapter 2

____

Thank you to all the people who reviewed it means the world to me literaly!

Disclaimer:  
ME: Mom my birthday is in 4 days can I have Twilight?*cute puppy dog face*  
MOM:No!  
ME:Why?  
MOM: Because you are a selfish little brat!*walks off smugly*  
ME:*mouth hangs open while sobbing*

P.S. my birthday realy is in 4 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!happy dance with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeah,yeah,yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

**Alice's P.O.V.**

Ever scince we let Edward convince us to leave Bella because it wasn't safe for her it hasn't been the same.  
Esme doesn't design anything and she doesn't chastise us for anything we do.  
Carlisle hasn't gotten a job at a hospitle and he won't read or write anything all he does is sit and mope in his desk chair with Esme.  
Emmett is well Emmett but he's different now.  
He doesn't joke about anything, he hasn't chalenged anyone to an arm wrestling match, he hasn't even smiled, and he doesn't even get down with Rose any more!  
Rosalie hasn't critisized anyone or even looked in the mirror sinse we left Bella.  
She just keeps mumbling things about how she should have been nicer to Bella while she had the chance.  
Jasper, I don't see how he can handle being here with all these emotions.  
All he does is sit there and stare at the wall and try not to breakdown on the floor and roll up into a ball and scream.  
And me I havn't gone shopping sinse and if you know me at all that's saying somthing.  
I even think I'm wearing what I wore three days ago!

Right now I'm just sitting on mine and Jaspers bed staring at a picture of me and him on our  
second honeymoon wishing everything would change so we could all be as happy as the two of us in the picture.  
I sat there like a statue for who knows how long when I heard an annoying beeping come from my computer.  
I proboably would have left it if the beeping wasn't so annoying.  
I sighed and got off the bed to turn off the computer, but when I saw who the screen I saw it was an e-mail from.  
O.M.G Bella!  
I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my squeal.  
I walked out the door way to make sure no one was there then closed it and sat down by the computer.  
Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to have anything to do with Bella

_Your brother left me and now i'm broken._  
_I get up in the mornings and do what I am supposed to do so I don't scare Charlie, but the pain is unbearable._  
_Day 1_

Hearing that Bella was in pain broke my dead unbeating heart.  
I desided that I would write a response but not send it so I wrote

_Dear Bella,_

_I know I left you and I'm so sorry.  
I can hardly stand the fact that you're in pain.  
I'm so soryy Bella._

_Who loves you dearly?  
Alice_

I wished so badly that I could just run to her a reassure her and tell her that everything is fine that she is fine.  
I knew I couldn't though and the thought broke me and sent me spiraling into a deep set of dry sobs.

**_the next day_**

I was still sobbing when I heard my computer beep again.  
I looked up to see another e-mail from Bella.  
I got up and made sure no one was around to see me reading an e-mail from Bella.  
When I saw the coast was clear I ran to the computer and opened the e-amil from Bella,

_Alice, it hurts to type your name and I'm cring now._  
_Your brother isn't the only one who hurt me, and you didn't even say goodbye._  
_I hope you still have this e-mail and I'm not talking to a random stranger addicted to the computer._  
_I understand if you don't answer me, but why did you leave me?_  
_Day 2_

It hurt me so much knowing that she was crying ower just the mention of my name so I wrote-

_Dearest Bella,_

_Please don't cry.  
I didn't say goodbye because I deluded myself into thinking it would be easier for you to let go this way.  
Deep down though I knew that you wouldn't, and I'm so sorry I hurt you._

_Who loves you dearly?  
Alice_

**_the next day_**

The next day I was a little more out going than I had been but that wasn't saying much.  
Jasper and I had gone hunting to day, but when we came home Jasper went write back to the way he was before.  
I had desided to do somthing a little more preductive with myself and started to tiddy up the house when my computer beeped.  
It was another e-mail from Bella.  
I was so excited.  
Even though I knew Bella was in pain and the e-mail was most likely to  
make me cry tearless sobs I was just happy that she trusted me enough to try and contact me,  
and also it reassured me that she was okay.  
I went through my new rutine of checking to make sur no one was  
there and closed the door and quietly but swiftly crept to my desk.  
Bella's e-mail was write in front of me and I opened it and began to sob as I swiftly read through it.

_Alice, it is the third day since i started e-mailing yu and started leaving my nearly piontless life._  
_there is a giant hole in my chest and it hursts like nothing I've ever expirenced before._  
_You all did this to me, why?_

once agian my dead hurt broke.  
I knew she was in pain but I didn't realize it was that bad.  
I wrote-

_Beloved Bella,_

_Even though it may feel like it your life is not pointless there are people  
who love you dearly and would die if anything happened to you.  
Bella you can't even imagine how bad I feel for making  
you hurt you really can't and I'm sorry truly truly sorry.  
We did this to you because that idiotic idiot convinced us  
it wold be safer we shouldn't have listened we're so sorry._

_Who loves you dearly?  
Alice_

**_the next day_**

It went about the same way today as it has every other day.  
Everyone just sat and moped around and morned for the loss of a sister and daughter.  
I still mope around though not as much.  
Hearing form Bella no matter how sad the news is has perked me up a little bit.  
Today I actually changed close and took a shower then I tiddied up the hpuse even though it wasn't the leaste bit messy.  
After I cleaned every where I could think of I went to sit by the computer and wait for Bella's e-mail to arrive.  
Just as I sat down my computer beeped signaling me I had gotten an e-mail.  
I knew nobody would be comeing up to my room so I just opened it.

_Alice it has been four days since i started e-mailing you._  
_I went to the movies with Jessica and it was horrible._  
_I miss you I want my best friend back._  
_Are you there?_

I was happy that she had gotten out and went some where fun but it made me jelous that it was with sombody other then me.  
I replied-

_Beloved Bella,_

_I'm glad you finnaly got out Bella but I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy yourself.  
You might find this silly but I'm kinda jelous of Jessica right now for getting to hang out with you when I can't.  
I miss you to and so does everyone else.  
Trust me evn though you have no reason to I want my best friend back also._

_Who loves you the most?  
Alice_

**_the next day_**

My day went exactly like it did yesterday.  
I got in the shower got dressed and cleaned up the house then as soon as  
I sat down by the combuter to wait it started beeping and I opened the e-mail

_Alice, I still can't think of you without crying it has been five days and it's only getting worse._  
_I am not mad at you but why did you leave?_  
_Does HE know about the e-mails__**(A/N HE=Edward)**_

_Beloved Bella,_

_It still hurts me to know that you are in pain and that you are crying over me.  
I left because HE convinced me to and I'm so happy your not mad at  
me but that doesn't change the fact that I'm mad at myself.  
And no HE doesn't know about the e-mails I had promised I woudn't enterfear with ypur life._

Who loves you the most?  
Alice

**_the next day_**

_Alice, I laughed for the first time in months._  
_I went to Jacob Blacks house the boy who told me about you guys._  
_He is just a friend but he helped with the pain for the day but it came back._  
_Day 6_

I was happy that Bella was somwhat starting to get better  
and I was very grateful for this Jacob Black for helping her,  
but I was still sad that she was in pain.

_Beloved Bella,_

_You don't know how happy it makes me to know that you have found somthing that makes you happy in your life.  
I'm glad you met this Jacob Black, but how did he know about us?  
I'm glad your not in as much pain but I'm sorry it came back.  
I miss you._

** VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ. okay I had over 2,000 more words but when I pressed save it deleted it so sinse yall have been waitin I will go ahead and post what it saved and try to get the rest on later. thank you for waiting. If you review my story I might be less upset it could be my birthday present. Also you are given a choise quicker shorter chapters or slower longer ones? your choice.**

**p.s. can't do spell check sorry**

Who loves you the most?  
Alice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyon it has been forever since I updated but I have an okay reason. my computer is very stupid and everytime I write this chapter I save it and it will delete everything I just wrote! you can see how that would be frustrating right? and I'm sorry but I can't do spell check so if you will point things out I will try to fix them. thank you I will stop babbling now because if I keep going I am will start talking about how sponge bob should learn to ride llamas and that sandy shouldn't be a squirrel because they are evil trying to take over the world and...**

**Jewelia has left so me her more awsome an eviler twin will continue the story since she is babbling.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH help me help me!  
Twin: AAAAAAHHHHHHH Help me Help Me!  
Edward and Jasper: Whats wrong stop yelling!  
Me and Twin:*Points at Jacob* An evil squirrel is chasing us!  
Jasper and Edward: *falls down laughing*  
Jacob: GGGRRRRR  
Emmett:*walks around cornner*  
Me and Twin: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH  
Emmett:AAAAAAAHHHHH  
Jasper Edward and Jacob: What?  
Me and Twin:*points and hisses*eeevvviiilll  
Emmett:*falls down sobbing* they tried to eat me!  
**

**I do not own twiligh or food made of Emmett! YUM!** **  
**

* * *

_Alice, it has been seven days._  
_I miss you and I miss Esme she is like my mother and I love_  
_her she hurt me when ya'll left will you tell her for me?_

That was when I decided I would tell somebody about these e-mails.  
I slowly desended the stairs, and even though I knew they could here me know one looked up to acknowledge my presence.  
I went over to Esme and tapered her on the shoulder she looked up and tried to plaster a smile on her face for me but she couldn't do it the pain was just to much for her.  
She had lost a child when she was human that was the reason she jumped off that damn cliff in the first place so now she was feeling the loss of a child again but she had a family now and no way to escape.  
I signaled for her to follow me. She gave me a confused look but abided.  
She stood up and gave a very confused Carlisle a quick peck on the lips.

I could tell Carlisle was hesitant to let her go considering the slightest thing could send Esme head first spiraling into a never ending pained cry with tears that would never shed but let her go knowing I would look out for her.

I took her hand and sprinted into the forest until we were a good five miles out so that nobody would hear us.

"Alice what is this about?"

"Esme I have to tell you something." I paused to take a breath."Esme for the past week I have been receiving E-mails from Bella. She has been telling me everything that has been going on every day I haven't responded because I promised Edward but I have been saving my responses as drafts and today she wanted me to tell you that she misses you that you were a mother to her and that you hurt her when you left, when we all left." I took in a big unneeded breath I didn't stop once through that whole confession. I looked up at Esme and she had venom in her eyes in place of the tears that would never shed.

"She misses me," Esme asked.

Of course did you expect anything less?"

Esme asked me everything she had said.  
I told her everything and by the time I was done she was dry-sobbing.  
I comforted her and waited till she was finished I even joined her for a little bit.  
It was dark by the time we got back I went to the computer and wrote my response to Bella.

_Beloved Bella,_

_I told Esme she misses you too._

_Who loves you the most?_

_Alice_


	4. Chapter 4

**PLEASE REVEIW! especialy you Lauren!**

**Disclaimer:**

**ME:I want  
Twin:To BE A  
ME:Little Slice of  
Twin:CHEESE  
ME: No!  
TWIN: Bacon?  
ME: NO!  
Twin and ME: Edwards Mountain Lion!  
Edward:Huh  
Me:*turns to twin and whispers* GET HIM!**

**I do not own twilight or Edwards blooy mountain Lion  
P.S. did you read that Littlemisscrazy? Get it Funny huh?  
P.S.S. Other readers me and my BBFE's(Best Buddy For Eternity) joke. **

* * *

Alice tonight I figuered somthing out it sounds crazy maybey it is  
but when I do somthing reckless or stupid I can hear his voice perfectly.  
Day 9

Beloved Bella,

Please don't do anything reckless or stupid that is not the way to solve your problem.  
I don't know what we would do if you got hurt or even worse killed.  
Please stay safe if not for us for yourself for Charlie for Jacob Black.  
Esme loves you I told her about your e-mails yesterday she was so sad but also happy that you are safe please don't take that happiness from her.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

Alice, I still cry when I think about ya'll.  
The hullusionations of _HIM _are fading.  
The motorcycles aren't working anymore and I'm falling apart.  
Day 10

Beloved Bella,

WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING ON A MOTORCYLE!  
There are better ways of dealing with pain then that though I can't say that my damned brother is any better.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

**About two months later**

Alice, it has been nearly two mounths.  
Jacob left me.  
There was a pain in my chest that felt like  
i was falling apart, but now there is another.  
I keep telling myself that it is not as bad as when all of you left  
me but it is bad enough.

Beloved Bella,

Please don't cry that boy doesn't deserve your friendship if just walks off and leaves like that.  
Do I sound like a Hypocrite or what?  
Please don't be sad Bella it is killing me and Esme she reads these e-mails to you know I hope you don't mind.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

Alice it is now the two month mark.  
Jacob left and is now part of A gang in La Push led by Sam Uley.  
The thing is Jake was afraid fo them before.  
Sam says Jacob can't be my friend.  
I need some guidence from you will you help me?

Beloved Bella,

I don't know what to type I'm sorry if I could I would rip this Sam Uley to pieces for doing that to you but I can't I'm sorry.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

Alice, it has been two months and 0ne day.  
Jacob snuck into my room early this monring tp apoligize.  
I figured somthing out, jacobs a werewolf.  
It wasn't much of a shock when I found out what all of you were because I knew htere was somthing different about ya'll,  
nut Jacob was just my normal HUMAN friend.  
Are all of my friends not so mythical creature?  
Mabey Angela is a wich?

Beloved Bella,

Bella new werewolves are dangerous they could snap at any second please watch out.  
I can tell you one reassuring thing Angela is not a witch but a sweet human and a great friend she is how come you don't talk about her more often are y'all still friends?

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

* * *

** I Like LLAMAS!**


	5. Chapter 5

I can't take it anymore I think I'm going to do what Victoria should have done earlier I'm done waiting and being weak not having a say in anything I am taking matters into my own hands now tonight I am going to die.

* * *

**5-10 reviews 1 chapter late update**

**11-15 reviews 2 chapters update soo**

**16-20 reveiws immediate update**

**I know y'all can do it because I have 45 people on my alert list for this story.  
I didn't have time for a big chapter so I left a cliffy.**


	6. Chapter 6

**thank you guys for all of your reviews!  
DISCLAIMER:  
ME: You Know twin Edward is a real loser  
Twin: I totaly agree  
Edward: What!  
Twin: YOu know who is awesome?  
ME: that evil squirrel Jacob?  
Twin: Heck ya!  
Edward: NO NO NO it is me who is awesome!  
ME: I guess if we could own you are minds may change  
Edward: You will never own twilight  
Twin: Fine you Asked for it  
Me and Twin:*throws pop-tarts at Edward***

* * *

Alice it has been two months and two days since I started e-mailing you.  
Maybey you won't responed maybey you will.  
Maybey I am talking to some random person who proboably by now thinks I'm crazy.  
Maybey I am.  
Alice Victoria is back she keeos trying to get to me but the pack won't let her.  
Alice I know I've asked this before but why did you leave?  
Why didn't you say goodbye?  
Why haven't you responded?  
Alice, I'm lonely and depressed.  
Sure I have Jacob and the rest of the pack, but there not hte ones I really want to be with.  
Alice I want my family back.  
I still cry when I think about you ya know.

Beloved Bella,

You are not crazy.  
You are talking to me and you have to believe me when I say I want to respond.  
I told you I left because of my asshole brother I didn't say good-bye because he told me it would be easier this way and I haven't responded because I made a promise I have to keep though I'm starting to think otherwise.  
Please don't cry Bella now me and Esme are crying too.  
That pack better keep you safe!

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

* * *

**favorite or longest review gets a sneek peek of the next chapter**

**20-25 reviews=slow update**

**26-31 reviews= regular update**

**32-37= quick update**

**38-43= immediate update**

**if I get over 43 reviews then everyone gets the next two chapters sent to them! I know you can do it!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey people okay I am kinda mad right now and don't know if I should or can keep updating so quickly I need encouragement! if I get enough reviews then I might keep updating every other day if not I cant say when I will update again. show me how much you love this story so I will keep it up!**

**Disclaimer:**

**ME:world domination shall be mine! mwahahahahahahahahahahahahah  
Lauren(my bbfe): what are you doing?  
ME: nothing!*snickers*  
Lauren:*looks at me strngely* ookay*and leaves*  
Twin: she has no idea we are taking over the world without her!  
ME and Twin:   
**

**P.S. you know I would never take over the world without you Lauren right? RIGHT!**

ME: or would I?  
P.S.S. me and my friend Lauren do plan to take over the world some day!  
p.s.s.s. so you better respect me now!_

* * *

___

Alice, I miss you terribly.  
Can you tell Jasper I'm not mad at him at all, that he is still my brother if he wants to be?  
Can you tell Emmett I miss my big teddy bear brother that has no common sense,  
doesn't understand sarcasam, and always finds away to make me blush?  
Can you tell Rosalie htat I mass her that in a way I looked up to her?  
She was like a sister to me.  
Alice, can you tell

_him __that even though he said he didn't love me anymore that he always has my heart,  
and no matter what he thinks he has a soul, and that I hope he finds someone he wants to be with forever?_

I cried as I read this.  
Me and Esme agreed it was time to tell the family but we agreed not to tell Edward.  
He would probably be mad and jump to the conclusion that we broke the promise we made him.  
Plus, we didn't know where he was.

Me and Esme walked down the staircase to where the rest of the family was settled.  
Esme cleared her throat and the rest of the family looked up pain evident in their eyes.  
Esme was the one to speak first.

"Guys we have something to tell you or show you I guess it depends on how you look at it.  
There is a good side and a bad side but mostly good.  
I know we are all still upset over having to leave Bella," We all flinched it was the first time anybody had said her name out loud."  
But Alice and I have some news about her."  
They all sparked up with that.  
Esme looked at me and I knew it was my turn to take over.  
I took a deep breathe and began.

"Okay, for the past two months and three days Bella has been e-mailing me everyday about what is going on with her.  
I have been writing responses but I haven't been sending them because of the promise I made to Edward.  
The reason we are telling you about them now is because she has made some requests and I think I at least owe her enough to make sure they are full filled.  
Jasper she says she is not mad at you that you are still her brother if you want to be.  
Emmett she says she misses he big teddy bear brother that has no common sense, doesn't understand sarcasm, and always finds a way to make her blush.  
Rosalie she says that misses you and that she looked up to you in a way that you were like a sister to her.  
Carlisle she says you were like her father and the hospital visits aren't the same with out you there to patch her up.  
She wanted me to tell Edward that even though he said that he didn't love her he will always have her heart and hopes he finds someone he wants to be with forever.  
And no matter what we think we all have souls."  
Emmet, Jasper, and Carlisle were half way smiling.  
Rosalie had her head down. Probably for the way she behaved around Bella.  
I went on to tell them about all the e-mails and showed them the e-mails and what I put as my response and they all decided to write something to her but not send every day from now on.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey peoples! I am back and feeling happier then ever before this will be the last chapter of e-mails from now on you will be in the mind of the character of my choosing!**

**Reviews make me update faster!**

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Alice, my life has officialy fell apart.

**I'm freaking out Alice!**  
**I was at Billy Blacks house when he got a phone call.**  
**Victoria got htrough the pack and... Jacob he. he got killed.**  
**When I heard the news I rushed home ( I was crying and you know how fast my car goes) but I was to late.**  
**Victoria had already left my house, but Charlie was, he was killed Alice, Victoria killed him.**  
**What do I do now Alice?**  
**What do I do?**

Beloved Bella,

I am so so so sorry.  
I cant even Imagine what you are going through right now.  
You don't know how much we wish we could be there for you now.  
We are all trying to get a hold of Edward so we can talk him into coming back.  
Believe me if I hadn't promised my bastard of a brother that we wouldn't intervene then we would be there in a blink of an eye.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

**Alice, Renee and Phil were in a car crash.**  
**They didn't make it.**  
**Alice I am completely lost now.**  
**My blood relatives are gone.**  
**My family left me my last friend is gone.**  
**I don't like being alone.**  
**Alice what if Victoia comes back for me what would I do?**  
**Alice can't you all come back and help me?**

Beloved Bella,

We are fighting our damn hardest to reach Edward so we can come back,  
but truthfully we are all near the breaking point.  
Victoria wont get you we called up some of Carlisle's old friends who were going through the area and they are going to watch out for her for a while.  
It will just be a matter of time before we all see each other again and we will hunt down Victoria and painfully rip her to shreds and burn her to ashes just like James!

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

**Alice it has been two months and six days.**  
**Today is Charlie's funneral and tommarow is Jake's, and the next day is Renee and Phil's.**  
**Since I'm officialy an adult I can live by myself and Charlie lieft me the house,**  
**but I don't know of I want to stay here alone with all the memories of the people I lost.**  
**Why can't all of you come back and help me?**  
**I want my best friend back, I want my sisters back, I want my mom and dad back, and I want my brothers back.**  
**Can't ya'll come and wake me from this nightmare?**  
**I still cry when I think of you, I've been crying a lot lately.**  
**Please won't all of you come help me I'm a complete mess with no one left to turn to?**

Beloved Bella,

Please just hang in there we are finally getting somewhere with finding Dickward.  
Then we will be on our way and you wont be alone.  
You know every one else is writing to you too.  
They all miss you especially Esme she is constantly worrying about you and crying at the fact that she isn't there to comfort you like a good mother should.  
We are all trying to tell her she is a wonderful mother but she will not listen.  
So just keep moving and we will be there as soon as we can.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

**Alice, it has been two months and seven days.**  
**The reason I'm still living is based on the fact that ya'll are still out there and small hope that ya'll will come help me.**  
**Maybe I should give up.**  
**Should I give up Alice, Mabey all of you won't come?**  
**I will wait a month at the most but I don't know how much more I can take of this**.

Beloved Bella,

DON'T YOU DARE EVEN CONSIDER GIVING UP!  
We are coming to get you don't worry we will be there please just sit tight if we don't get a hold of Edward in the next three weeks we will come and get you.  
You have my word.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

**Alice, it has been two months and eight days, and I'm still waiting to see if all of you come but i don't htink i can wait a whole month.**  
**It would be easy.**  
**Take a knife to my wrist, take a whole bottle of pills, or even tightly tie a bag over my head.**  
**Just like that all of this wouls be over.**  
**Every night i have to fight to go to sleep.**  
**the only thing that keeps me from doing one of those things is the thought that ya'll might be coming.**  
**Alice, are ya'll coming?**

Beloved Bella,

We have come to the decision that we will come back to you we couldn't find Edward but things are going horribly on both sides and we cant stand the fact that you are thinking of ways to kill yourself so just wait three more days and we will be there.

Who loves you the most,  
Alice

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If you have suicidal thoughts call** 1-800-273-8255 this number is toll free! now Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

I looked out my window knowing today would be the day I left it all behind.  
My life is horrible now.  
I have no friends no family a broken heart and a sadistic blood thirsty vampire seeking revenge.  
Even though my life is horrible their will be things that I will miss.  
I will miss the way it feels to softly brush my hair the way the sun looks as it falls below the horizon just before night fall the way I remember how Edward's- I am going to die so no reason not to think his name- cold hard lips felt against mine the way the air smells just before it rains.  
I mean I may be suicidal but I still enjoy a few things about life just not enough for me to stay.  
I am just wasting space and tainting air.  
I have nobody and nobody wants me I will probably succeed at nothing in my life I am going to die as a nobody anyways so I might as well end my misery.  
In hopes that the Cullens do still care about me I left letters for everyone I think for more myself then them.

I went down to Charlie's old liquor cabinet and got out a bottle of Vodka and grabbed the strong sleeping pills I bought yesterday at the pharmacy and went into my bedroom.  
I placed all my letters in a pile neatly stacked on the corner of my desk next to my computer which still had the e-mail pulled up.  
I didn't dare close it for I still had a spark of hope that Alice would respond.

I took one last glance around my room.  
I took in the sound of the ancient computer humming noisily the way the fourth board in my floor creaked ever so slightly the way the sequins on my bedspread shimmered when the little light from the window hit it just right spreading rainbows over the room.  
I sighed as I sat on my bed.

Before I had anymore time to think I downed the pills followed by the vodka and I winced as it burned my throat but kept going pill, pill, pill, vodka, pill, pill, pill, vodka.  
Until both were gone.  
While I was swallowing I vaguely remember the sound of my computer beeping rapidly telling me I had an e-mail, but the last thing I remembered before falling unconscious was hearing somebody scream and I dark figure in the doorway.

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**Who is mystery person? take a guess person to get it right wins a special sneak peak but you have to get it right first! next update will be in 12 reviews!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I didnt get the twelve reviews i asked for but i got ten and i wouldnt be able to update for a while so i gave you a quarter of what the original chapter was. REVIEWS= LONGER CHAPTERS! school has started for me and so i am pretty busy and tired when i get home so i need to be incouraged to update even more! 13 reviews=chapter(65 total reviews) **

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I just sent Jasper out to get the first flight back to Seattle while I was still trying to find Edward.  
We were all waiting impertinently for Jasper to return so we could head off.  
All of us were stressing over Bella.  
Afraid we wouldn't get there in time and afraid of what we might find.  
I was currently pacing back and forth across my bedroom, Esme was cleaning every available surface, Carlisle was sitting on the couch trying to calm her down, while Rosalie nervously brushed her hair.  
We weren't sure where Emmett was he went missing last night but most of us were to worried to acknowledge the fact that he was gone.  
While I was pacing I suddenly was overcome by a vision.

***VISION START***

Bella was looking out of her window deep in thought with a heartbreaking look on her face. Her hair was dull and it lifelessly hung down over her shoulders.  
Her face was paler than even are skin!  
She looked like she had lost about twenty and was horrendously underweight and looked malnourished. It seemed like the slightest noise would startle her and the softest wind would make her fall she seemed so fragile.  
The scene changed and suddenly she was downing a bottle of what looked like vodka and sleeping pills while a loud beeping noise came on in the background.  
A shadow appeared in the doorway and there was a scream.

***VISION END***


	11. Chapter 11

**I am so so so so so sorry that it took me this long to update guys. School kind i of snuck up on me. I am in all advanced classes on student council editor and chief of the school news papper I am in photograghy club and I take piano lessons. so I am a little busy and when I dont have anything to do I want to relax and read all of the amazing fanfictions on here. I will try to keep the updates coming faster I promise! sorry it is short it seems that is all I have time for lately.**

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This darkness it was strange.  
It was unlike before when I was in the ballet studio when James attacked.  
I wish it was like that. The numbness I felt then would be much more appreciated then what it has morphed into now.  
It is still the same in some ways.  
I can't move, or talk, or hear anything that is going on around me.  
But it is different in much more extreme ways.

This darkness is no where near as comforting as before.  
Rather than feeling like I'm laying on sweet soft air I feel like I am laying on a bed of vinegar soaked needles piecing my skin at its most fragile points.  
Instead of the sweet feel of my mind being completely free of any painful memory I can remember every last bit of pain I felt feels as if it is currently happening.  
I feel like screaming out at what ever thing is keeping me here to just finish me off to unleash its deadly hold on me before I go insane, but I can't seem to make out the sounds that I need to do so.

What seems like years later the tiniest piece of my right mind comes to tell me what I least want to hear.  
And no matter what I do I can't get the simple three words to stop repeating themselves in my brain.  
I think of everything I can.  
The pain of James's bite, the sweet smell of Edward, the pain of him leaving me, the emptiness I felt when Jake died, the fear for my father, the devastation of finding him dead, even the hopelessness of having no one. Nothing I do can distract me from those words.

_I am dead. I am dead. I am dead._


	12. Chapter 12

**oh my goodness i am so sorry it has taken so long. my life is a hectic mess right now. i know that is no excuse so sorry...read on...**

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As suddenly as the pain made itself present it was gone, and In its place all I could feel was sweet relief.  
I have never been so thankful for anything in my entire life, or what was of my life any ways.  
I pushed that thought to the back of my mind as if it was nothing and continued to relish in the peace and serenity that centered around me.

I loved the way it felt here, where ever here may be.  
I could literally taste the sweetness of it on my tongue.  
It tasted of cinnamon and smelled of the freshly dewed grass of the early morning.  
Even though I couldn't hear anything I could hear everything- if that makes any sense.  
I don't know how long I stayed in that wonderful state of pure ecstasy.  
It could have been years or seconds I didn't know and I couldn't bring myself to care all I wanted to do was soak up as much as I could.  
Let it sink into my pores and allow myself to steal this treasure of pure and utter joy.

But like anything good in my life it didn't last and all of the sudden I felt myself being rushed upward.  
I didn't know how, who, or what was causing this odd movement but strangely I wasn't afraid.  
I didn't know why but I just couldn't bring myself to feel fear.  
Instead I just allowed myself to gracefully glide upward not questioning the action.  
For once I was just going along for the ride.  
I was enjoying the feeling of weightlessness when I was suddenly I was overtaken with a feeling of fatigue.

I tried to fight it.  
I don't know how long I struggled to keep my eyelids from being sealed shut, but a bright magnificent light shined unyieldingly above me.  
My eyes weren't used to the beautiful light and they instinctively closed, and as they did I had a strange feeling that they would never open again.

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#review please#


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